Sunday, April 02, 2006


Cloudy Days in Pittsburgh

Out of my deep, questioning as I gazed into yet another cloudy sky, there came a beautiful picture of what God was trying to teach me. There are an inordinate number of cloudy days in these parts and Pittsburghers pretty much learn to live with them; the complaints are simply our way of sharing in the misery. We long for a sunny bright day about now. And we expect it! I don’t really know why except the facts of past experience teach us to.

Christians come to expect God’s gracious Spirit during a lifetime too. And we do bitterly complain when it seems evident a certain person is never going to give their life over to Christ. WHY? GOD, WHY? We can hardly stand the waiting and we would never, never accept that the Son won’t shine in their life one day! On some blessed occasion, the Bright and Morning Star will rise on their awakened soul! But why do we hold out hope? Paul Little quotes Charles Simeon in Know What You Believe, “The wonder is NOT that He [God] withholds mercy from some, but that He should be gracious to any.”

This is the most difficult teaching in the Bible, because ultimately it leads to the reality that God judges those whom He did not elect. (You cynics out there are not wrong in fact, only in response) So please, I am not being glib when I make the comparison to climate. The vision is sincerely like opening the windows in a musty room that first warm day! Nearly all Christians I know would keep the windows shut on the subject and as my brother called it, “You’re getting into the minutiae.” But because this very thing is what turned me from faith for years and I know for a fact it is what keeps many a tender heart away from God, I consider it gargantuan!

Are we not blessed beyond measure that we have life and blue-sky days at all? Supposing chronic clouds could be our fate; are we not the wiser if we dwell on God’s gift, though the sun might be shining in Hawaii and not here? Or do we weakly go the human route, thinking only about our gloomy veil and how could God do that?”

It is distressing that we have closeted the whole mess, as a Church. Some go where men fear to tread, like Paul did:

“…we do not use deception, nor do we distort the Word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly, we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.” ~2 Cor. 4:2

Curiously and succinctly, this verse prepares us for the zinger, “And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they CANNOT see the light of the Gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” ~V. 3&4

Okay, so here Satan is the guilty one but if you are someone of the belief, “God could top that!” because our God is, was, and always will be bigger than Satan, well then we are still left with a dilemma.

Sorry about the cliffhanger; there’s too much for one post. Rambling to be continued.

You people are in denial. There is nothing supernatural, your god is an illusion, just like any other gods. I wasted 30 years of my life following this myth, it destroyed my life, it is an evil religion based on ancient superstitions, lies, contradictions, fairytales and wishful thinking. There is no such thing as a personal relationship with Jesus, because he is not real. There is no holy spirit, and as I am an ex-christian, I speak from experience, for I tried everything to have a relationship with this God, but it was always a one way relationship, alive only in my mind. What is criminal is for preachers and churches to tell people that this fantasy is real, when we all know that there is no proof, no verifiable interactions or miracles of any kind from any such entity that supposedly loves us. It is nothing less than mass psychosis and it undermines one's ability to survive in the real world, because no imaginary friend is really there for us. Relying on Christ, the Holy Ghost or Yahweh or any other god is foolhardy because doing so disarms you, makes you weak and unable to deal with reality by focusing on Reality. The truth is that a loving God would have compassion and would be a part of our life, just like other creatures can be our friends and love us. True Love does not come with strings attached, it is merciful and puts Love first, it changes things and creatures for the better, it does not destroy or hurt, it wants to be with you because it misses your Love, it is not distant like this christian god, it does not use intermediaries, it is open and pure and simple. The Jesus of the bible is none of these things, I called for 30 years and there was no answer. I am not going to pretend anymore. It is very sad to realize that there is no afterlife, but this hurts only because those lying preachers created this desire in us in the first place. Nobody wants to die or lose loved pets or friends forever, but just like the Santa Claus myth, it hurts much less if you outgrow it in your early years. By the way, anybody who says that Jesus blessed them so and so just say that, but it means nothing, for it cannot be proven. Jesus or Yahweh don't fare any better when compared to other gods, either. One could use the same type of apologetics, faith "arguments" or testimonials or hearsay, or unprovable rationales, to come up with any excuses for any divinity to exist. There is no more proof of cognitive interaction between the Christian God and man than there is for Allah and the rest of them, all indifferent and cold and empty and yes, dead. I say all of this with great sadness, for I wasted my life following a shadow and a lie. And yes, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and repented and confessed that I am a sinner and I tried all other ways of praying or approaching God or Christ, but my despair at the ever present silence from the Trinity never softened the nonexistent heart of this nonexistent Being. Finally, after 30 years, I have no choice but to realize that they are not real. As I say these things, I mean no disrespect, for I always had faith when I prayed, but I am not going to have faith unto death itself. If this God is not interested in a relationship in my lifetime, it's almost impossible there would be anything at all thereafter. For all we know, we turn into putrid slime and rot and the brain structures that held the information that made us who we where are gone forever. There is no proof that there is a soul, beyond of what the brain allowed us to be. A God who was not interested in being a real part of our lives when we where here on Earth is very unlikely to care thereafter, even if he indeed existed. The greatest crime of this God, as with any others, is his great Inhumanity to man and beast alike. I have come to realize that this can only be because unlike what The Bible says, it is us who created Him in our own anthropomorphic image, a deluded vision of the Universe as explained by a more savage humanity, bathing in blood, Jesus's or everybody else's, and it might as well be so, because the fascination with violence fills the Bible as it filled ancient history and on to our era, and it remains as Scriptures, even to this day. The irony is that the god who killed my soul is not even there to shed a tear. Christianity, with all its purported acts of goodwill, has perpetrated a much greater number of injustices and moral crimes, and as such I see it as the greatest and most pernicious Lie ever to befall mankind. The sooner we free ourselves from this yoke of fancies, the more chance future humans will have to maybe, at some point in a distant future, bring a modicum of sanity and balance to this wretched world, and hopefully even prolong and better Life on Earth. And then, assuming we will have shed all our ancient vices, religion and all feuds there might arise, a stronger and more civilized of eras, might come upon to bring the true security we seek, and Love, and health, and purity of heart. If Love is ever to control our lives, we must continue to evolve in human spirit and learn to let kindness and Love reflect in actions. Morality is not of God, but it's a human construct, and it will die with us, unless we change. Religion brought the worst in us. It makes good people do bad things, it blinds you to the truth, and makes one cling to factions. It is the great Abomination. And yes, Jesus is no different, he answers prayer not, just like his father, because it is a myth. The story of my life: He stole my life, and he's not real, I cry in blood, my own real, spiritual blood of years of tears.

Oh, but thank you Jesus for a life of absence on Your part and of Your Father - so alike...- oh, Lord of broken promises, you master of excuses, there's nothing holy in your spirit, no prayer answered and no mercy, I kill you in my heart for good, you don't exist except in our minds and I am weary, I am weak, you made me so, just like your "miracle" statistics. I flip a coin and get better results than you can muster. Compassion demands more presence on your part, but no, you are a myth, a parable it seems... A parable speaking in parables, a forgery and fraud.

There probably is no God and so I suffer, as do so many others, I'm sure of it... But as for me, I will pretend no more.
What happened to you, disillusioned? You have read the Bible? Do you know anyone who claims to be a Christian, truly? The representation of Christ's Body on earth is a mess. I am so very sorry for your hurt. I can identify because of my own exposure to false teachings and I could be you. Always the question of why God drew me back and not you? I can only pray that He will yet. God IS love. I am so sad that you feel so alone. Maybe you will stick around. My writing can't be perfect either but I would love for you to persevere here. If an ounce of God is in me, my heart pours out to you. He sheds a tear through me. I'm very sorry Christians have let you down.
Thank you for writing. I am not doing so well right now, but I really appreciate your sensitivity. The problem lies with God just not being there in a form I could understand and perceive. People say they experienced this and that, they say it's real, but I have experienced nothing of the like. I am very familiar with the Bible and all doctrines thereof, but if enough matters in one's life go bad and God does not grant what you beseech Him, and does not alleviate your hurt, then God becomes meaningless to you, nothing but spiritual talk to be floated around. Having been part of many churches, I have seen how preachers and christians can rationalize things and expound on doctrines beautifully, but at the end of the day, there is no change in your miserable reality, no matter how much you pray, believe and have faith. Maybe it's my fault, for not being happy carrying my cross, but if God were more visible, maybe I could have. So it's either that I lack something, or there is no God, anyhow he is just not there, like christians say He is, personal relationship and everything. Personally, I really believe, at this point, that one can put artificial life in these doctrines, and any doctrines, for that matter, without them being real, as in the way things are Real in this world. The truth is that christian doctrines can exist within their own spiritual realm and actually sometimes can make a lot of sense (not considering the multitude of contradictory statements made even by Jesus), without them being necessarily true in terms of EXSISTING, as in material reality. I f I get some speech software I'll write some more, my typing is really bad.

It surely does sound like empty to you but I'm really glad you wrote back. I just know with all my heart that God loves you. I can only pray for a "material reality" revelation in something you can recognize as True and Real.

I sympathize with your typing hardship too. Watching my husband's peck-style typing is painful for me.
Love to you. You are welcome here anytime. Peck out a few words when you receive your revelation!
Thank you
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